Peaceful Ruin
by iilaiia
Summary: In the ruins of Middle Earth, two years after Sauron reclaimed the one ring, an elf, an orc and one young human find light in the darkness. Dark AU
1. Fallen

Thank you to Sarah for the inspiration, to Cowgoddess for my strength and to all my patient readers for the support.  This is going to be one crazy long epic fic if I've planned this out correctly so be prepared for this to take some time in completing.  Anyway, here goes. 

Peaceful Ruin

Heaven bent to take my hand   
And lead me through the fire   
Be the long awaited answer   
to a long and painful fight   
  
Truth be told I've tried my best   
But somewhere along the way   
I got caught up in all there was to offer   
And the cost was so much more than I could bear   
   
Though I've tried, I've fallen..   
I have sunk so low   
I have messed up   
Better I should know   
So don't come round here   
And tell me I told you so....   
  
We all begin with good intent   
Love was raw and young   
We believed that we could change ourselves   
The past could be undone   
But we carry on our back the burden   
Time always reveals   
The lonely light of morning   
The wound that would not heal   
It's the bitter taste of losing everything   
That I've held so dear.   
  
Though I've tried, I've fallen..   
I have sunk so low   
I have messed up   
Better I should know   
So don't come round here   
And tell me I told you so....   
   
Heaven bent to take my hand   
Nowhere left to turn   
I'm lost to those I thought were friends   
to everyone I know   
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed   
Pretend that they don't see   
But it's one missed step   
You'll slip before you know it   
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed 

--Sarah Mclachlan, "Fallen"

Chapter 1 – Fallen

There was a light rain coming down now as a storm crawled in over the forest.  The overcast sky was gray and the clouds hung low and heavy.  The water ran down the black wood of the dead trees in small streams forming muddy puddles below the great trunks.  The ground was covered in rotten leaves and torn up grass, dead remnants of the past now thrown away and mixed up into nothing like the rest of the world.  

Elrohir paused a moment absently gripping the dead rabbit tighter.  With his other hand he brushed the wet, black tendrils of hair out of his eyes, noting as he did so that his hair had again grown long.  He kept it short now, having long ago cut off his regal braids.  He had ceased to deserve them.  Not after what he had done, what he had allowed to be done.

The woods themselves were quiet, almost morbid as Elrohir made his way back to the once elven refuge buried in among the dead trees.  It had been built all those years ago as a guardhouse, an early warning for Imladris.  It was a simple building that sat on the edge of a ravine overlooking the river.  It was nearly impossible to see for it was set into the earth and part of the surrounding trees.  He entered through the door carved out of wood and made his way down soft, mold-covered steps to the basement.  

The building had only two levels, the guard overlook and the lower level which Elrohir had converted into a cage.  Strong metal bars ran from the ceiling into the floor splitting the room in half.  He made no sound as he stood and beheld the creature that slept in the corner of the cage.  The orc shuttered with each rise of his chest, his recent torture still giving him difficulty.  Suddenly Elrohir slammed the body of the rabbit into the bars causing the orc to leap to its feet.  The creature snarled and ripped the animal out of the elf's hand.  He dug his broken jaw into the rabbit's haunch, snapping bones with his teeth and began to suck the blood out of it's veins.  

Elrohir sat down, his back to the wall and watched the orc eat.  He pulled out his knife and savagely began slashing at his hair.  Large clumps fell to the floor as he mechanically rid himself of any remaining strands of length.  The blade's handle was slick with the rain and his hand slipped cutting a gash across his face.  The orc in the cage winced in unison with Elrohir and looked up for a moment from his dinner.  The two locked eyes and for the briefest of moments Elrohir saw intelligence, saw understanding and even compassion there, then the moment was gone.  The steely hate and viciousness flooded back into the orc's expression and he resumed his meal.

Elrohir leaded back against the cold stone of his prison and closed his eyes.  Black despair resurfaced inside him as this unexpected disappointment.  Elrohir shook his head slightly.  He really should know by now but for some reason he still held hope.  Hope, he scoffed.  Hope did not exist in this place.  He opened his eyes and studied the still gorging orc he held here.  He swallowed hard.  It wasn't hope he held still he just wanted his twin back.  

The sun fell below the horizon as elf and orc eased themselves into another sleepless night.  Elrohir noticed that his destroyed brother walked with a slight limp as he paced in his cage.  "Does your leg hurt you?"

The orc, Elladan, faced his twin without really looking at him.  He could not speak.  He had not the time to learn the Black Speech and no orc could speak elvish so they regarding each other in a moody silence.  Watching his brother suffer was quite truly beyond Elrohir's ability at this point having already lost him to the dark forces of Mordor.  

Elladan didn't answer, he never did.  Instead he just spared one last glance at his brother and wandered back into the corner of his cage.  Elrohir's body slumped down, defeated and tired.  He leaded his forehead against the bars, pressing back all his sorrow and fighting off his grief.  To face that painful truth would be death and that was something he could never do, not while his brother needed him.  Not while his brother still lived.  They would never be parted.  Their bond held them together for all time, for there is no limit to a brother's love.  

He knelt there, letting the cold of the metal seep into his skin filling his heart with a steely resolve.  It was the same promise he made to himself every night, every time he watched his brother struggling with the pain of his contorted body or trying desperately to fight his own nature.  For as much as Elladan was orc, part of him still remembered.  He couldn't express it, nor was it ever a conscious thought but he had never so much as touched Elrohir and he never would.  In turn, Elrohir kept him safe, at all costs.  

The first time had been the worst.  That instant of realization that all elves now had become his enemy for when they first saw Elladan they had attacked without warning or question.  That first time, on the slow, terrible journey back from Mordor, Elrohir had tried to protect his twin without hurting the elves.  It had only taken seconds before he realized it wasn't possible.  In that desperate moment he had made a choice, one the he could never come back from.  After that, defending Elladan against this own people had gotten easier.  Now it was a passing thought, a moment of regret crushed down by the dominate truth.  Elladan must survive.  Nothing else mattered.  

So Elrohir lived with his choices and with his sins.  He cut off his regal warrior braids in a type of penance.  He barely ate, he didn't sleep.  He lived only to serve Elladan for what else was worth living for in this world covered in darkness.  His hope has vanished when they'd killed his father and taken his brother those two years ago.  Now he was empty, defeated, wallowing in his own peaceful ruin.

Time passed by as the night grew longer until Elladan slept across from him, his eyes open and blank.  Elrohir would watch him in his sleep most nights.  It was the only time his eyes were not filled with hate and agony.  If he concentrated hard enough he could tune out the twisted face, the torn hair, the cold cage until nothing remained by those vibrant eyes.  It was in these moments when he could see his brother and remember how it had been before. He could see the last embers of what his brother was still burning in those deep eyes.  Nothing was worth more to Elrohir now then these moments, the proof that all he had done and let be done, was justified.  It was the nights that got him through the days.

********************************

The clouds had not cleared from yesterday's rainfall when Elrohir stepped out of his sanctuary.  He checked to make sure the woods were still and empty before allowing Elladan out of his cage.  Elladan raced forward, limping still but excited to be released.  Elrohir followed behind him as his twin carelessly knocked into the blackened trucks of the dead trees in his need for destruction.  It seemed that mutilation and destruction were the only things that truly brought Elladan joy anymore.  So Elrohir followed, content to allow anything so long as his twin did not suffer.  

They journeyed far through the forest until with a start, Elrohir noticed they had entered the gardens of Imladris.  The once crystal white towers of the city still shown brightly as they had in his memory.  They loomed deep and beautiful over head, shimmering lightly against the overcast sky.  Elrohir exhaled deeply.  How he missed his home, his past, back when everything made sense.  Back when he was happy.

He wandered through the gardens that he had played in as a child, the same places he had shared with his twin in those days that seemed so long ago now.  The place had once been the envy of all Middle Earth for there wasn't a more beautiful garden in all the world.  The flowers that had bloomed here sported colors so rich and vibrant that they were almost blinding.  Now the field was overgrown, untended and dark weeds flourished here having long ago killed the more delicate plants.  His memory was flawless and he could see himself in the fields taking in the morning and reveling in it despite the dreary cloud coverage.  He could still taste the sweet dew that used to cover the flowers, the dew that was now bitter and splattered across the weeds like blood after a battle.  Those memories were from before.  Before Sauron got the Ring, before the world ended and everyone and everything he had ever loved had been ripped away from him.  

Unwillingly he pulled himself out of his memories for Elladan had raced into the palace now bent on some exciting new destruction.  Elrohir jogged inside trying very hard to keep his mind focused.  It was difficult to not remember every little prank and moment he had spent inside this walls.  The memories were so thick they often slowed him down.  He turned the corner and found himself in the library.  Elladan was off to the side raging through the books, delighting in tearing out the pages with his teeth.  Elrohir smiled lightly and climbed the stairs to the upper level.  He leaned over the balcony rail, his eyes wandering through the paintings and inscriptions still fashioned on the walls.  He turned slowly and made his way to the huge wall hanging at the crest of the stairs.  It was a painting he had always liked.  A visual representation of hope eternal, it was Isildur holding aloft the broken shaft of Narsil in powerful defiance of evil.  Opposite the painting was the stone carving of a women and beneath her in her care still lay the shards of that fateful sword, all the was left of hope in this world.  

His back to the statue, Elrohir studied the painting, studied the shimmering form of the ancient king of men at the moment of his last stand and felt something stir inside him.  A strange desire the likes of which he had not felt in years.  The courage of Isildur roused in him his own desperate bravery and so he did the only thing he could think to do.  He closed his eyes, pressing his palms gently against the painting.  'Valar, hear me.  Hear my prayer.  Please, please find a way to bring us hope.  If you have the power, please bring me hope.'  Elrohir stood perfectly still for a moment, emotions flying through him in wild waves, pain, guilt, fear and above all else horrible grief, then they passed as always and apathy fell back upon him.  He opened his eyes, not allowing disappointment to touch him and his gaze fell upon the stone statue which housed the shards of Narsil.  He froze again.

The shards were gone.  In their place lay a young human boy, no more than 16 summers old.  He sat up slowly, blearily as if waking from a long sleep and gazed over at the elf.  His eyes cleared suddenly and he broke into a grin.  "Elrohir!  What's going on?"  The boy paused and looked around the library.  "Why am I--" He tilted his head, his smile slowly vanishing.  "What happened to your hair?  Father will be so angry."

Elrohir took a cautious step towards the young human.  "Who are you?  How do you know my name?"  His bafflement clear and present on his face.  

The human laughed outright.  "How do I know your name?  Are you serious?  Why don't you just tell me what Elladan did to your braids and then we can-"  

Fear stabbed through Elrohir and he quickly cut off the human.  "Tell me who you are!  How do you know these things?"  His voice was pitched high, frightened and sharp.  

Suspicion crept into the human eyes.  He studied Elrohir a moment.  "Stop this, you're scaring me."

Elrohir leaned a bit closer trying to recognize the human's face, perhaps he had known him from before.  That still didn't explain how he had gotten into this sanctuary unnoticed or why he was here at all.  He was about to respond when from downstairs Elladan roared loudly and suddenly.  The human jumped to his feet, fear flying across his face at the sight of the orc rambling his way up the stairs.  Elrohir took a reluctant step back.  Now he'd never know.  He turned his head, not wanting to watch as Elladan screamed again and sprang forward.

The human leapt back, staggering on his own sluggish feet and fell hard onto his back.  "Roh!  Help me!"  This frightened cry hit Elrohir like a tidal wave.  His heart leapt into his throat and his breath shortened.  Why this surge of fear now?  He had never cared before when Elladan hunted.  It was a fair enough victim, his own fault really for coming here in the first place.  Still Elrohir could not shake the feeling that this was horribly wrong.  He closed his eyes, fighting down his panic as Elladan still roaring with bloodlust reached the young human laying helpless on the floor.


	2. Forced To Face Another Day

I'm a happy person in real life, I promise. The continuation of my strange epic, remember it's quite AU in many ways, so um. anything goes. As always this entire fic is lovingly dedicated to my very own gwanuig and though it may seem mean to devote an angst fest such as this to her, believe me, it's what she wants. Cowgoddes. chapter 3 is right around the corner. For now, onward.  
  
Peaceful Ruin  
  
Chapter 2 - Forced to Face Another Day  
  
Everywhere I turn, I hurt someone  
  
But there's nothing I can say  
  
to change the things I've done  
  
I'd do anything within my power  
  
I'd give everything I've got  
  
But the path I seek is hidden  
  
from me now  
  
Brother Bear, I let you down  
  
You trusted me, believed in me  
  
and I let you down  
  
Of all the things I hid from you  
  
I cannot hide the shame  
  
And I pray someone, something will  
  
come, to take away the pain  
  
There's no way out of this dark place  
  
No hope, no future  
  
I know I can't be free  
  
But I can't see another way  
  
I can't face another day  
  
No Way Out (ala Brother Bear)  
  
- Phil Collins  
  
Elladan grabbed the human's shirt and hauled him into the air. The orc screamed, his need for violence raging in him but when he took a deep inhale his whole body froze in place. The young human hung suspended in the air, completely at the mercy of the twisted being who held him yet he felt very little fear. There was something in the way that this orc moved, something familiar. The creature pulled him close and took in his scent. Elladan's eyes cleared for a moment, they transformed into a shimmering grey and sharp recognition flew over the young human. Barely even able to breath, shock and horror setting in, he whispered, "No."  
  
The orc abruptly dropped him and turned away. Brushing against a surprised Elrohir, he stumbled back to his shredded books. Both elf and human were frozen in place by the act they had collectively witnessed. Elrohir broke his posture and turned his shocked expression upon the young human. "Who are you?" His question wasn't much more than a whisper, a prayer.  
  
The young human shook his head as the tears began to run down his face. "You really don't know me do you?" He then began to cry. The pain and loneliness sinking in, the reality of it all was too much.  
  
Elrohir crouched beside him on the floor of the once great library. "You're crying." It was a statement, an observation, nothing more. It was amazing to the elf that this entirely random human being was sobbing at the site of his brother. To the boy, it was much worse.  
  
"My name is Estel." He looked up and met Elrohir's cold eyes and saw no emotion in their blue depths. He saw a distant interest in him. There was no pity, no compassion. This elf didn't know who he was, and what was worse, he didn't care. "Estel. You don't know that name?" Estel was trying to control his sobbing but the horror of his situation was starting to hit him hard. His brothers were gone and in their place, monsters.  
  
Estel stood slowing trying to figure this out. Elladan raged below and Elrohir stared at him as if he was a creature never before seen. The paintings were in tatters, the ceiling was half caved in and the clouds obscured the sky. He turned to where he'd awoken, to where the shards of Narsil once lay. The beautiful sculpture glowed white even in the shadows but the sword was gone.  
  
Elrohir suddenly grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. The elf's eyes flashed with a deep anger mixed with a hopeless despair. It was the single most terrifying expression Estel had even seen. Elrohir's words were charged with unchecked pain. "How did you get here? What did you do to my brother that prevented him from killing you?"  
  
He shook Estel hard and swiftly. "You will answer! How do you know his name?"  
  
Estel sobbed openly completely done. "You both are my brothers. I would know you anywhere." Elrohir's expression changed to one that was unreadable. He dropped Estel to the ground.  
  
"That doesn't answer any of my questions human." The fire in his voice was gone, replaced by the resigned despair that even Estel had never seen in his brothers either.  
  
"Estel. My name is Estel." He ran his hands over the statue. The stone radiated heat, pure white heat.  
  
Elrohir snarled. "I will call you whatever I choose." He turned his back on the boy. "Besides what kind of being names a child Hope?"  
  
Estel's words were soft but filled with emotion. "Our father, Lord Elrond" He had barely finished the name when Elrohir moved. He spun around, twisted on his axis and backhanded Estel straight off his feet. Estel hit the ground with such force that it knocked books off shelves down below causing an excited yowl from Elladan. Red spots played in Estel's vision and through the haze he saw Elrohir approach him. He hauled Estel to his feet, his grip upon his arms like a vise. "Never say that name again." His voice was cold as steel and his eyes frosted over like a lake deep in winter. A winter without summer in sight.  
  
Estel nodded rapidly and once again Elrohir shoved him to the ground. The elf then turned his back on his human brother who's jaw he'd just bruised and gathering up Elladan left Imladris. Elrohir trudged through the gardens, his twin just ahead of him, completely overtaken by feelings he hadn't felt in years. The mention of Elrond had reopened the old festering wounds but that wasn't even as painful as the guilt he felt for hitting the boy called Estel. It made no sense, he hadn't cared about anyone besides Elladan since his father's betrayal but he did. He cared and he had no idea why. He had never heard of this human before. Certainly he wasn't his brother, he couldn't be. He wasn't elven, he wasn't even an adult. It just plain didn't make sense but here he was and he knew that to see the blood on Estel's face would hurt him more than anything he had done in these dark years. So he walked on, vaguely aware the human was following him.  
  
Estel's head pounded from the blow he'd received from the same being that had sworn to protect him with his life. The twins, these were the twins. It didn't seem possible. Where was he? His mind swirled, confusion and horrible fear fought for dominance.  
  
The weather was changing. The sun now peaked through the clouds and the air blew a sweet breeze through his hair. The forest was dead and shadowed but the sun still shimmered. Glorious light illuminated the back of his brother as the elf trudged through the trees. Estel increased his pace trying to keep up when Elrohir stopped suddenly. Estel was behind him in an instant. Startled Elrohir spun around.  
  
He pulled out his hunting knife, its blade didn't gleam in the beautiful light. Estel could see the layers of caked blood upon it's metal. Elrohir hadn't cleaned it. He waved the knife at Estel but the human was much more distracted with the reason Elrohir had stopped in the first place. Elrohir noticed Estel looking over his shoulder and with one hand on the human's shirt he brandished his knife at the elf that now stood before them.  
  
This elf was blond and handsome. His eyes were haunted and although he carried a bow he had no arrows. His skin was immaculate and glowed in the sunlight. He stood slumped over, oblivious to his glory, to the scents in the air, to even the orc hiding from him in the background. He shifted his bleak gaze from Estel and then looked directly at Elrohir and in clear Sindarian said only. "If you intend to kill me I will offer you no resistance."  
  
Estel gapped at the complete desolation in his face and his words. He stood unarmed, his palms upward entreating Elrohir to murder him there and then. When Elrohir re-sheathed his knife, disappointment marred his features and he slowly fell to his knees in the dirt. His shoulders shook slightly in defeat. He didn't cry, he couldn't, he was so beyond all reason and hope that just to look at his still form brought Estel physical pain.  
  
It was Legolas, son of Thranduil and heir to the throne of Mirkwood. 


	3. Answers

Here's some more, this fic is going to be very long, FYI. I find it's growing harder and harder to plan it out, for it has now, a life of it's own. Last two paragraphs devotedly dedicated to gwanuig-nin in homage to her own demented mind and writings.  
  
Peaceful Ruin  
  
I will be the answer  
  
At the end of the line  
  
I will be there for you  
  
Why take the time  
  
In the burning of uncertainty  
  
I will be your solid ground  
  
I will hold the balance  
  
If you can't look down  
  
If it takes my whole life  
  
I won't break, I won't bend  
  
It will all be worth it  
  
Worth it in the end  
  
Because I can only tell you what I know  
  
That I need you in my life  
  
And when the stars have all gone out  
  
You'll still be burning so bright  
  
Cast me gently  
  
Into morning  
  
For the night has been unkind  
  
Take me to a   
  
Place so holy  
  
That I can wash this from my mind  
  
The memory of choosing not to fight  
  
If it takes my whole life  
  
I won't break, I won't bend  
  
It will all be worth it  
  
Worth it in the end  
  
Because I can only tell you what I know  
  
That I need you in my life  
  
And when the stars are all gone out  
  
You'll still be burning so bright  
  
Cast me gently  
  
Into Morning  
  
For the night has been unkind  
  
-Sarah McLachlan "Answer"  
  
Chapter 3 - Answers  
  
Estel crept past Elrohir to where Legolas knelt unmoving. "What's happened to you?" Estel whispered, terror evident on his young face.   
  
The blond raised his head slowly and fixed his gaze on the human. His eyes were cold, but not empty like Elrohir's. His face was angular and beautiful but now cut sharply and etched with pain. He turned without replying and vanished into the waiting tree tops.   
  
Estel watched him go with concern then turned back to his brothers, although he knew he would find no comfort there. Elrohir was staring up at the trees with open disdain. His eyes followed Legolas' every movement and his hand never wavered from his sword. Elladan hovered quietly at his feet. "Do not approach him. That elf is suicidal and insane."  
  
Elrohir's callous words caused anger to rise quickly in Estel who rounded on his brother. "He was once your friend as much as mine."  
  
Elrohir's eyes narrowed, he disliked being reminded of the past. "I don't know how you know what you do but in this you are right, he once was, long ago. Now there is nothing left of him to befriend."  
  
Estel bent his head, trying to prepare himself for whatever horrors his brother was about to tell him. "Tell me then, what changed him so much?"  
  
Elrohir paused and stared long and hard at Estel. "If you truly are who you say you are then your not ready for that story yet."  
  
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
Time passed slowly as they made their way back to the shelter that Elrohir had constructed to protect his brother. The sunlight no longer even felt warm to Estel. His fear had materialized inside him suddenly. His reality was fading from his memory. His friends and family were still clear but the details were leaving him. Ever so slowly and subtly Estel feared that he was losing parts of his past. They were melting away as snow in spring.   
  
He clung to his memories of his brothers, their pranks and their loyalty. He could still remember how many times Legolas and he had been lost in the woods or captured by orcs or any other numerous accidents. It all seemed so far away. Those times were dreams that he had finally woken from.   
  
The threesome ducked into the shelter. Estel began the decent upon the old stairs when Elrohir suddenly grabbed his arm from behind and spun him around.   
  
Estel avoided looking into his empty eyes. He couldn't stand the sight anymore. "Human. This is a sanctuary known ONLY to myself and Elladan. If that is violated..." Estel nodded vigorously stopping Elrohir's threat. He released him just as harshly. "Good." He then pushed past Estel and lead his twin into the cage.   
  
Estel pushed down his feeling of remorse and sat down against the cold metal wall. The irony of locking up an elf into a metal box was not lost on Estel. He knew that Elrohir hated it but dealt with it for the sake of his brother. There was no limit to what a twin would do for the other one. Estel closed his eyes in abstract despair. And there used to be no limit to what they would do for him.  
  
The shadows lengthened as night fell around them. Estel sank into a dismal half sleep perilously filled with dreams of death and darkness. He woke early, before the sun and saw Elrohir standing away from him, his eyes fixed on his brother, his head against the bars.  
  
"You think you know, but you don't." His voice was distant.  
  
Estel question was weary, halfhearted. "Know what?"  
  
Elrohir turned his head and Estel was shocked to see the new tears on his face. "You think you know us. You don't. You remember us from this other place, but it is not this place. There you loved us and we loved you but here, here there is no love, only shadow and death." He paused a moment, then with a breath continued. "You seem to trust the prince with your life, there he may have protected it, but here he will take it from you."  
  
Estel's eyes were pleading. "That can change, Elrohir. I can find--"  
  
Elrohir turned quickly, locking eyes for a moment with his twin. "You should not place your trust in him, nor in me." Elrohir picked up his knives. "I must go hunt for Elladan." And he left as silently and quickly as he had arrived.  
  
In the cold basement of the sanctuary, Estel turned his back to the bars and began to cry. His tears weren't cleansing and they brought him no relief. There was no relief in this place.  
  
"Whom to you weep for?"  
  
Estel spun up to his feet so fast that he staggered at the top of his stance. Perched immobile on the stairs was Legolas. His eyes stung like daggers to look upon. They were yet bright and fierce but hopeless. "You should get out of here." Estel cast a quick troubled look towards his sleeping tortured brother then back to the best friend he'd ever had. "Elrohir will kill you if he finds you."  
  
Legolas lowered his eyes gazing over at the orc. "I don't care." His voice was flat, unemotional. "I simply wanted to know why you are crying."  
  
Estel ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "I miss... I miss my family."  
  
The effect this simple statement had on Legolas was as instantaneous as it was frightening. His entire demeanor changed. His expression rocketed to anguish. His legs began to shake as he sank to the ground. He raised his hands to his face, trying to block the thoughts that coursed through his head. Overwhelmed with sympathy for his dear friend, Estel rushed to his side and pulled him into his embrace. He held him close, entreated him to cry, to express his sorrow but Legolas pulled away. His eyes reverted to their cold, haunted luster and he regained his feet. He turned to leave.  
  
"Legolas, stop!" Estel's voice froze him in place. "Legolas, please. Let me help you. Tell me what happened to you."  
  
Legolas stood on the stairs, caught in a choice. Finally his spoke, slowly and deliberately picking each word. "I've never spoken of it. If I don't put it to words, perhaps it won't have happened."  
  
Estel turned him around gently. "It doesn't work that way, as much as we wish it did."  
  
Legolas nodded slightly then led Estel up into the forest. The trees looked almost healthy in the night, the stars glimmered above. "It's peaceful here at night. My people love the stars and the trees." Legolas began his story, his voice calm. "It wasn't so long ago really. Before Sauron reclaimed the ring, even then our..." he stopped, for his voice had cracked. "Even then Mirkwood fought the never-ending darkness. The King led his people in constant battles to keep the palace free and safe. Even before we lost it all, we fought everyday. I was sent on a quest to Imladris so I wasn't home when ... " He stopped again, emotion choking him.   
  
Estel automatically placed his hand on his shoulder, trying to sooth him. "It's alright. You can tell me."  
  
Legolas's eyes were full of doubt but he nodded again and pressed on. His voice no longer gentle. "I too, like your friend's twin was captured in Mordor the night Sauron achieved his victory. But my fate, was much different. I escaped the dungeons and made it all the way back home unfettered. I was so proud of myself, I was SUCH a fool to think that he would just let me go. Yet still I pressed on into my beloved home, right to the very arms of my father, my King. I was given a grand reception. The whole kingdom was there. They toasted my safe return." Legolas was shaking fiercely now. Tears finally flowing freely down his face. "By morning, they were all dead. For what they didn't know was the plague I was carrying, killed everyone I touched except me."   
  
Estel's eyes went wide. His body too began to tremble with horrible doubt. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.  
  
Legolas's voice, where before it was harsh and grating, now leveled out. It was as if this statement was so obvious that it couldn't be painful. "So that's why I deserve to die and why I can't kill myself. It wouldn't be fair to those that I murdered. They deserve their vengeance."  
  
"But how-?" Estel's voice was torn, sharp and jagged as an open wound. "There's no one-"  
  
Legolas looked straight at him then, the tears drying on his cheeks as if they had never fallen. "There's one left that I didn't kill. For as I was immune to the plague, so was he."  
  
Estel couldn't breath. His mind twisted and plummeted as a hawk playing the sky. How could this be true? How much pain could be caused by one being? "Legolas..." He didn't know what to say. How could he do what he had offered?  
  
The strange, mixed self-hatred and open curiosity fell upon Legolas again. "I've never told anyone what I've just told you. In a way, you've made me realize that it's time to end this." He stood pulling the shocked Estel to his feet beside him. Legolas's eyes sparkled deep red as the sun cast on the horizon. "I'm going home."  
  
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~  
  
The palace stayed cold now in defiance of the sun. Their white walls now black and thick with oil. His hands were stained from the liquid but he continued his job mechanically and methodically. He circled the beautiful walls, covering them with oil as the sun rose cold and pointless. He began a small fire in the corner where his wife had grown roses lifetimes ago. The flames always began small then grew and grew as they engulfed the walls, eating through the oil and burning up to the sky.   
  
He stood back and watched the building smolder to ash before him. One more part of Eryn Lasgalan gone now, one less responsibility between him and the end. Fire was the only creation he could make that held any purpose anymore. It erased the past. It's bright beauty played before his eyes flashing red in their depths. A splitting image of his son, at that exact moment in time, Thranduil, King of Mirkwood let his city burn to the ground.  
  
~ 


	4. Everything and Nothing

Wow, look it's chapter 4! I really haven't abandoned I really haven't, I'm just quite slow. So so sorry, but this story is continuing and so will the rest of them at some point. I promise. Oh and Cowgoddess, I know there's rule-breaking but there is a line dedicated to one of your greatest fics ever. Does that help? For all the rest of you, enjoy. )

Peaceful Ruin

Somewhere there's speaking

It's already coming in

Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind

You never could get it

Unless you were fed it

Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks

Past the places where you used to learn

You howl and listen

Listen and wait for the

Echoes of angels who won't return

He's everything you want

He's everything you need

He's everything inside of you

That you wish you could be

He says all the right things

At exactly the right time

But he means nothing to you

And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone

To put you together

You're waiting for someone to push you away

There's always another wound to discover

There's always something more you wish he'd say

But you'll just sit tight

And watch it unwind

It's only what you're asking for

And you'll be just fine

With all of your time

It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island

Into the highway

Past the places where you might have turned

You never did notice

But you still hide away

The anger of angels who won't return

I am everything you want

I am everything you need

I am everything inside of you

That you wish you could be

I say all the right things

At exactly the right time

But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why

And I don't know why

Why

I don't know

Everything you Want

by Vertical Horizon

Chapter 4 – Everything and Nothing

Legolas' mood had changed. He was excited, leaping from tree to tree in his apparent joy. His laughter rang out clear and strange across the desolate forest. And he was next to impossible to keep up with. Estel raced along the ground, getting vague glimpses of the blond as he cut a line through the empty branches. He felt strange leaving his brothers behind but he'd just pledged himself to Legolas's aid and in that he would not falter. So he followed his friend as he cried in joy, bounding from limb to limb, happy and carefree.

They journeyed for hours and hours until the sun sat fat and red on the horizon. Legolas finally slowed his pace and leaned back against the great trees. As Estel climbed into the branches beside him, the elf regarded him strangely.

"You are still here." The crystal voice held no question. A simple statement of fact. Estel resisted the urge to sigh, so instead squeezed his eyes closed, rubbing them with his hands. Valar, he was so tired. So tired of this black despair that followed him, that had set upon his brothers and his home. In the distance of his mind, he could remember those glorious days he had spent with Legolas in trees and woods such as these. The days would stretch on, long and endless as happiness is in the summer of childhood. They made bonds and oaths that were unbreakable in those moments when friendship was the same as brotherhood. He opened his eyes again and refocused on Legolas. The elf sat beside him, his expression one of blank calm. A void. Estel knew that what he wanted didn't exist here. His friend, his closest friend was nothing but a shadow of his former self but this lie of friendship seemed better at the moment then the truth of his brother's agony. At least it was easier to pretend. So he settled back, the tree bark cutting into his skin even through his shirt reminding him of the painful place that he was in. Legolas was ignoring him now as his body fell into sleep. His eyes open and glazed over with elven slumber.

Night turned to day and back and forth as Estel and Legolas traveled through the forest on the same paths that they had so many times before. The paths were covered over with leaves and weeds but they still existed and Estel felt a strange sense of hope from this. This world was changed but the place he had known was still there, just buried. Maybe the same could be true of his friend, his brothers, so he stayed with Legolas, all the way until the tips of Mirkwood flashed red through the trees and Estel realized with a start that the city was on fire!

He increased his pace, fear pumping into his veins and called out to his friend. "Legolas! We must hurry!" When he didn't get a response, Estel turned and found Legolas was gone. He quickly scanned the treetops for the elf and couldn't find him. So he raced on ahead, concerned for what the fire was doing to Legolas' already shaky mental state.

He ran through the wide-open gates, they hung off the hinges at awkward angles, no longer able to be closed. Half the city before him was ablaze with red-hot flames and the other half lay smoldering where the fire had already done its work. He made his was cautiously through the open courtyard not daring yet to get to close to the flames licking out from the high towers. There seemed to be no sign of life anywhere in the city.

"Legolas! Legolas, are you here?" Estel yelled at the top of his voice. It was possible that the elf had run back into the woods, fearing the sight of his home burning to the ground. "Legolas!" His calls were met with no answers. In fact, he was just turning to head back to the woods to search for him there when a glint of blond hair caught his attention.

He raced forward, "Legolas! Legolas, it's Estel! Where are you?"

Suddenly, strong hands grabbed his arm and spun him wildly around. For one split second, Estel thought it was Legolas but then realized he was face to face with his father, Thranduil. The powerful blond elf stood taller than Estel remember, towering almost over him and wilting him down with a glare of such incredible intensity that Estel felt weak.

Thranduil's voice was tight and loud. "Why do you call that name?"

Estel looked around, now frantic for his friend to appear. If his brothers and Legolas were so changed from how he knew them, then surely Thranduil would be also and that thought scared him more so than any other. "He was with me. We traveled here to –"

Thranduil dealt Estel a vicious blow to his stomach that doubled him over. "I don't care for liars in my city." Thranduil paused, then gave a cold, short laugh. "Such as it is."

Gasping for breath, Estel looked up into the eyes of his best friend's father and allowed himself to shudder at the death he saw written there for him. "I'm not lying. I met up with him near Imladris." Estel struggled back to his feet just in time for Thranduil to knock him down again with a strike across his face. It occurred to Estel then that the great king was playing with him while trying to decide how to kill him.

Thranduil then bent down and grabbed Estel across the waist and began to carry him. Estel was alternating between breathing ragged breaths and spitting out blood. This seemed to amuse Thranduil, as he carried him through one of the doorways into the burning palace. "I always forget how fragile humans are, after all we scarcely get visitors here. So, liar, you'll have to forgive my manners, I had hoped you would live to burn to death, still…" Thranduil threw Estel down in an enclosed courtyard, the flames lapped on the edges of the stone, waving to him to come to the fire. Thranduil continued "dead is dead. What do I care anymore anyway?"

He started to turn, his hand on the lock to leave Estel to his death when he froze. His eyes fixed on a point just out of Estel sight from where he could barely breath on the ground. The heat was closer now, stinging his eyes and making them tears. The thick smoke spiraled up from the ground blacking out the sky. But Thranduil's entire being was bent on the object he was fixed upon and Estel knew that Legolas had found his way to his father. Relief flooded into him and he staggered to his knees as a wall of smoke hit him blocking his ability to breath. He tried to call out to his friend but end up just choking and coughing violently in the inferno.

Legolas stepped up to his father, both elves oblivious to the fire, eyes only for each other. Thranduil's expression softened and he suddenly embraced his son so tightly that Estel was sure he would crush him. "You're back."

Legolas' eyes were closed, his face blissful and calm. "I'm home."

Thranduil led him into the garden where Estel lay dying on the ground. He sputtered out "Lego- please," Legolas turned his head, gave Estel a questioning look then turned his entire attention back to his father. "Legolas" sobbed Estel and he lay down on the melting ground. The fire licked at his back and he could no longer see. Legolas was letting him die, Thranduil had forced him here to die and neither of them cared. He would have screamed if he had a voice. He would have run if he could move but his hope had died with that look of confusion that Legolas had given him. He didn't understand why Estel would have called to him. Estel cried and shook with grief, with betrayal and with pain from the smoke, which was weaving its way through his lungs. The world swam out of existence for him just then as Thranduil and Legolas stopped in the corner of the garden.

Thranduil bent down and ran his hand lightly over the dark ground. His words were soft and filled with memories. "I was standing right here when they brought you to me for the first time. I held you in my arms and you looked up at me with those blue eyes and I knew then that no matter what happened, no matter what you did that I would love you until then end of the world." Thranduil stood up and held his son to him. Legolas' eyes were still closed but his body was relaxed. "Here were are at the end of all things and I still love you as much as I did that first day."

Legolas let out a small cry, a cry of joy of a type he had not felt for a very long time. He spoke finally, his voice quiet and serene. "I will never leave again."

Thranduil smiled and held his son tighter as the flames surged forward. "Neither of us will, my son."

* * *

The great city, alight with fire, glowed and flashed one final time in the woods of Mirkwood. It was a last beautiful farewell, violent and sudden. One lone elf watched it burn and let the sorrow wash through him at its demolition. At his feet, a young human abruptly returned to consciousness. The elf took a step forward and helped the human to sit up.

Estel looked at Elrohir in amazement. "What happened?"

Elrohir gestured to the city. "Thranduil has destroyed his kingdom."

Estel looked down at his hands, they were dark with soot. "We-," He coughed a few times, trying to rid his body of the smoke. Elrohir looked down at him with a look close to sympathy as Estel forced out his sentence. "We have to stop him"

Elrohir laughed hoarsely at this then looked out into the distance. His eyes found Elladan, who watched the fire eagerly but from a safe distance. His eyes on his brother, he spoke again. "Mirkwood died years ago, this is just its ashes blowing away in the wind."

Estel was about to say more when the coughing fit hit him. He doubled over, fighting to get his breathing back to normal speeds when he felt Elrohir's hand on his back. Elrohir gently began to press on his back where his lungs were until Estel could feel his breathing returning to normal. After some time of just enjoying being able to breath again Estel finally stood up. His mind started to put events together and with a wave of fear he noticed that he was alone.

"Where's Legolas?"

Elrohir's eyes narrowed at this question. "He perished with his father in that courtyard where I found you, I expect."

Estel's whole body went cold. "No, that can't be. Thranduil wouldn't- We have to go back!" He began forward towards the door that Thranduil had dragged him through. Elrohir wrapped his arms around his body and threw him to the ground suddenly.

"Are you insane! Go back? Why would you go back?" Elrohir's anger seemed pitched with hurt. "You'd go back for him? The one that left you to die there? Do you still not understand? You are not in that place where there is joy. There is no love, no loyalty and no honor here!"

Estel had rarely seen Elrohir so upset but he knew his brother and he knew why. "There's you, Elrohir. You saved me when he didn't, when he couldn't. You may not know yourself, but I know you, even here and you have honor." Estel felt the tears falling from his eyes and didn't care. "You can cut off your braids if you want to but I know your heart." He turned his head to where Elladan stood over him "and I know him too."

Elrohir knelt beside him, his anger cooling down, replaced by emotions he hadn't dared let himself feel in years. "Who are you?"

Estel shook his head, unsure how to answer and afraid to mention Elrond again. "I am Estel, raised in the house of – raised in Imladris. Son of Arathron."

Elrohir's eyes widened slightly, "That's not possible, Arathorn's son died with him less than 20 years ago."

"It is possible, Elrohir. Where I'm from we were raised as brothers. I grew up with you both."

Understanding was filling Elrohir's face and he nodded. "I was preying to the Valar to bring us hope when you first arrived here. They brought me you because this whole thing started with you in the first place."

"Roh, what are you talking about?" It was so easy to fall back on nicknames, Estel was feeling more at home with Elrohir and was forgetting that although he had just saved his life, this was not the brother he grew up with. Elrohir's hand flew to Estel face but he stopped his strike mere inches from Estel's cheek.

Shocked, Estel flinched and backed away and Elrohir stood abruptly with a strange mixture of guilt and fury on his face. "Don't call me that name."

And with that, all the ground Estel had gained fell apart in his hands. Still, Estel swallowed and plunged on. "You know why this world is different from mine, don't you?"

Elrohir turned his back to him then, watching his twin, who had now grown tired of the fire, tear down trees near the gates. Elrohir's voice was quiet. "Yes, I know."

Estel came up beside him and they both stood in silence, watching Elladan. Finally Estel, brave in his grief, gathered his courage. "My friend is dead, my brothers are in agony and my home is destroyed. Please, Elrohir, tell me why this has happened. Maybe we can change-"

It was a pointless request. "This can not BE changed! Why do you persist in trying to do the impossible?" Elrohir's anger was back. "If you really must seek out the reason this world is what it has become perhaps you should go to Lothlorian and ask the one that is responsible for it to begin with."

Estel became very still. "Who? Who did this?"

Elrohir's eyes pierced into his. "Elrond, our father."


End file.
